13th Hour by Tammie Painter

Author:Tammie Painter
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: fantasy ficiton, horror, short story, ancient rome
Publisher: Tammie Painter

CHAPTER ELEVEN

The Toad

"THE TOAD" IS a modern re-telling of a medieval Italian folk tale. In it, the very ugly Bertoldo is jester to the king and becomes one of the king's best friends and truest advisors. Feeling others are viewing the king as being controlled by Bertoldo and embarrassed by her husband's friendship with the hideous jester, the queen takes matters into her own hands to get Bertoldo out of their lives. Some of the exchanges between Bert and Albert are close translations of the Italian text.

***

~ 1 ~

"Albert, did you hear that?"

"No, I'm sleeping."

"I heard something."

"Probably just the cat. Sleep. Now."

Albert tried to return to his dream, but the creaking of the pantry door jolted him to full alert. He jumped out of bed and grabbed the largest and nearest item to him.

"Are you going to defend your kingdom with an umbrella?" Miriam chided.

"Don't wake me up just to criticize."

With the alligator leather strap holding it closed and its pointed metal tip, the umbrella made a perfect impromptu sword in Albert's opinion. Besides, for two hundred dollars it ought to serve double use as something.

Albert tiptoed out from the bedroom knowing where to step to keep the floorboards from squeaking. It was the same route he took toward the stairs to his study on the first floor where he would call his mistress at any hour. Sheila would have never criticized his choice of weaponry.

The pantry door creaked shut while Albert crept his way down the stairs. The clang of pots and pain-ridden "oof" signaled Albert to sweep in and take the burglar (who would now be rubbing his head) by surprise. Albert knew all too well the thief had just crashed into the array of copper pots and pans hanging above the center island in the kitchen.

Miriam, after seeing the "kitchen of her dreams" in a Better Homes and Gardens, insisted they remodel the kitchen she never used, complete with pots and pans hanging dangerously at the level of Albert's head. Since completion of the remodel, the cookware hadn't been moved except by Albert's head. Their personal chef preferred cast iron pans, but Miriam demanded they be kept out of sight, and so the only use for the dangling metal was to give the maid something else to dust and an obstacle for Albert to watch out for.

"Gotcha," Albert jutted the umbrella forward as he burst through the kitchen door like a pajama-wearing Errol Flynn.

"Got me? What, am I going to have to witness your Mr. Steed impersonation? Only if Emma Peel shows up, Old Man."

Albert was flustered. Who was this ugly little man to talk back to him? No one ever talked back to him. He was Albert Pearl, head of Pearl Enterprises. He controlled more things than he could keep track of. So who did this guy think he was?

"I'll have you know there is a security system on this house and the police will be arriving any minute." Because if they didn't the Chief knew Albert would arrange to have him replaced.

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